Listening to Learn

When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.  –Dalai Lama

In the year I have spent as PREP Program Manager, I have had the distinct pleasure of getting to listen to youth in our valley, and I have learned a LOT. One of the goals of PREP is to engage youth and adults in conversation around sensitive topics like sexuality. One of the questions that we ask as we work towards this goal is, ‘What makes an “askable” adult?’  What makes a youth trust that they can talk to an adult about sensitive, often awkward subjects? I will attempt to express what I’ve learned through listening with the word TRUST as my guide:

Trust is earned when you engage youth in a caring atmosphere. When YOU APPROACH THEM with questions and a sincere interest in what they have to say, they will talk (eventually on some occasions, more than you had hoped for in others).

Role alone is not enough. Unfortunately being a 

pediatrician, nurse, teacher, counselor, principal, coach, parent, youth leader, etc. isn’t enough to gain trust without question.  In fact, the sheer intimidation some roles carry can be more of a barrier than an open door. And if you change their perception and actually achieve their trust, (yes, it can be done!), that trust doesn’t automatically transfer to the next person in the same role. For parents, it may be that your child doesn’t want to disappoint you. Turns out, that one of the biggest preventative factors to engaging in risky behaviors; knowing parents would disapprove. Your role may lead youth to assume you will react with retaliation, so they remain silent. Youth think you will assume they are already engaging in a behavior if they bring it up, so they DON’T BRING IT UP.

Underestimating what youth have to offer; especially when based on how they look, dress, talk, is a real turn off and can often times exacerbate the behaviors that turned you off in the first place. As one focus group participant expressed so eloquently, “We are conscious thinking, cognitive beings, we can process information; we learn things every single day as we grow up. And sometimes we have perspectives that are new and fresh and that are maybe things that some adults haven’t thought about, and we can bring that to the table.”

Sharing personal stories with youth shows them that you are willing to relate your values in a real, authentic way. Sharing is not for gossip and should have relevance.  For instance, in PREP we train our facilitators not to share personal stories to answer anonymous questions such as, ‘when did you first have sex?’  But adults can share stories about knowing young people who may have decided to engage in sex at perhaps too young of an age and whether or not there were regrets or consequences. You are relating something about your life’s experiences without engaging in gossip or inappropriate messages.  Someone may take what is said and actually learn something from it.

Telling youth, “You can talk to me about anything.” is not enough to get them to approach you with sensitive matters or issues they are facing. It’s definitely a good place to start, but don’t stop there. Approach. Engage. Ask. Validate. Don’t shame. Don’t blame. LISTEN.

Welcome PREP’s Summer of 2014 Interns!

PREP Summer 2014 Interns

We have a small but mighty group of youth serving as this summer’s PREP interns. They have agreed to bring their personal styles and interests to helping us create a more youth-friendly Garfield County PREP Facebook page. Additionally, we have several invitations to ‘represent’ PREP by helping out agency partners and community groups at local events. So, be on the look-out for creative Facebook initiatives and these four unique personalities! Can you guess who is who?

Can you guess which intern is a self-described ‘Anime nerd who likes all ice cream except for Rocky Road’? Ice cream and animated creatures are popular themes as another intern describes themselves as a “Pokemon fanatic” who loves to “draw small creatures and go get some ICE CREAM”! Amazing to discover such similarities between half of our team! Perhaps a new friendship will emerge that might not have happened otherwise.

Friendship is another commonality among the other half of our team. It was the strength of this friendship that allowed one intern to recruit the other. Now that’s either powerful salesmanship or a good friend! Either way, we’re glad to have both on board. In addition, to a shared friendship, these two youth also enjoy playing PC, Ps4 and X-Box.

Thanks to Isaac, Yueli, Andrew and Sunni for joining our team and spreading the PREP message for comprehensive sexuality education! We are delighted to have such knowledgeable youth caring about the state of their peer’s sexual health to be working with us this summer of 2014. Watch for their updates and personal introductions on Facebook.

Find Peace in Challenging the Fear

This week I attended one day of the Colorado Advocacy In Action conference. The end of the day offered optional “Self Care Activities” that included your choice of a Betty Ford Alpine Garden Tour, Yoga, Healthrhythms Drumming, or Group Art Therapy. If you didn't want to choose one of these, they suggested you take a dip in the pool, soak in the hot tub, take a nap, hike, shop…..They made it very difficult to not participate in some activity that would take care of ME. My choice was a no-brainer.

I have been a yoga instructor before and after an ankle injury had to take some time off. Well, like many folks, I never resumed my practice after the ankle healed for any number of reasons. This invitation to participate in a yoga class was going to be the catalyst I needed to get back on the horse, so to speak, and resume a yoga practice. Even though I knew I wouldn't be as flexible or capable as before, I at least knew enough to feel like I could have some level of success. Basically, I was simply going to join an activity that was familiar. I convinced myself this was going to be challenging to some degree; not much, but some. In preparing to head out for the conference, I dressed for yoga, packed my mat and water bottle and away I went secretly looking forward to my predetermined success.

As the saying goes, ‘a funny thing happened on the way to the forum.’ I found myself in my first workshop with an art therapist who strongly reminded me of my very best friend from high school and immediately made me feel like she was trustworthy. (Not an easy thing for me, to be sure!) We participated in the class activity but didn't really share anything more than that. I went to my next session. Then it was time to find a seat for lunch and listen to the keynote speaker before the afternoon sessions began.

As I was attending the conference alone, I picked an empty table ready and willing to welcome anyone else looking for a place to sit and new people to meet. Low and behold, this person who had immediately fostered a sense of trust came to sit at my table. We began talking, and I asked her if she was leading the art therapy workshop being offered as part of the self care activities. Yes, she was. I began to explain how bad personal school experiences and comments from art teachers led me to believe “I have no musical or artistic abilities.” – A statement I have been saying (and believing) about myself for many, many years and my reason for not choosing her session.

She reassured me that I would only need the skill, interest and excitement of a preschooler to be able to successfully participate. While she was stating this conviction, she was also using her hand on her sleeve to demonstrate brushing off this negative memory that led to such a negative self concept. I instantly got her message and signaled so by whispering, “Well, I do have vision. I just don’t have good execution.”

Whatever quality she possessed to garner my instant trust earlier was again at work as I was quickly deciding to change my activity choice. She made me feel like I could step out of my comfort zone and be ok; perhaps even enjoy it some! So there I was later in the day, one of the first participants in the room ready to prove that even though

Finding Peace in My Challenge

I doubted my ability

I was willing to believe what skills I had were enough to succeed at some level

I opened myself up to the challenge to step outside what I knew; my comfort zone.

Truth be told, I felt empowered to slough off the weight of my past experiences and found peace with whatever I could produce regardless of how it compared to those with more obvious ‘talent’ than myself. I enjoyed it and was truly grateful that I made the less comfortable choice.


As I drove home (proudly carrying my work of art with me), I realized what a parody this was to the challenge many parents face when struggling with the idea of talking to their kids about sex! How difficult many parents must find it to

Step out of your comfort zones

Slough off the after effects of your own experiences regarding sex talks (or lack thereof)

Be ok with not having all the answers

Enter in to an honest, truthful discussion with their own child(ren)

How bad could it be to risk a little bit of apprehension and discomfort in order to address something as important as your own child’s sexual health? Find peace in your willingness to step out of your comfort zone. Find peace in what knowledge you do have. Find peace in knowing you’re creating an avenue for shared discovery, understanding and love. Find peace and challenge your fear! Chances are it won’t be as painful as you led yourself to believe. Chances are both you and your child will be grateful you did.

Want to Get Your Teen Out of the House This Summer?

Do you have a teen or know of a teen looking to get out of the house and make a little bit of pocket change this summer? PREP is looking for teens to be summer interns!  We need teens interested in working as a team to create and execute an outreach project that will promote the importance of gaining a comprehensive education regarding sexuality and healthy relationship building.

Creativity is encouraged and no special skills are required. Teens looking for opportunities to

• express their individuality
• take a leadership role
• be a positive role model
• advocate for youth
• have fun
• meet new people

are encouraged to apply. Commitments are needed for 2 - 5 hours per week. Interns will be paid an hourly rate as well as have mileage or bus passes provided for travel to and from meetings.  If you or interested teens would like more information, please contact Karen at GarfieldCountyPREP.ks@gmail.com or by calling 319-1465.

We look forward to a great summer!!

Introducing the New Program Manager for Garfield County PREP

I am delighted to be given the opportunity to continue the fantastic work started by Gretchen and look forward to meeting current partners and developing new relationships. Here's a little introduction for you to begin to get to know me. Please feel free to contact me at garfieldcountyprep@gmail.com.

D –  Dedicated to continuing the work of PREP in the Roaring Fork Valley by maintaining current and creating new relationships with the local schools, community members and organizations, students, parents and any caring adult interested in making an impact on the reduction of teen pregnancies and STD’s in the valley. After a 5 year and 3 month hiatus from non-profit, social-type work to become experienced in online marketing, it is a wonderful feeling to be back in a position where I have the opportunity to make a positive impact on youth while making connections with caring adults in the community.

I – Invested in the social, emotional, mental, and physical well-being of youth, their partners and their families. While going to college to earn my bachelor’s degree in psychology, I focused many of my classes on human and child development. After returning to college to become a certified elementary teacher in the state of Iowa, I worked as a Parent Educator in a Birth – 3 Parents As Teachers program, as a Site Coordinator for an after school program that offered enrichment and academics to youth in grades 4 -6 and as an alcohol Prevention Specialist before accepting a teaching assignment in a small, consolidated, rural school district in Southeast Iowa where prevention of at-risk behaviors and an awakened awareness of bullying was always at the forefront. A position with Garfield County’s Department of Human Services brought me to the western slope of Colorado where I worked as a Child Welfare Case Manager.

A – Accepting of those with different backgrounds, cultures, ideologies, opinions, experiences, and personal identities with the idea of welcoming that diversity in order to effectively create a comprehensive sexuality education initiative that is sustainable and accepted by the majority of the area’s citizens. Understanding that we all have a “back-story” is crucial in relationship building and understanding those who are different than ourselves. I hope to model acceptance, understanding and inclusion even when values and beliefs differ.

N – Nutty! Besides loving nuts of all kinds, I am also crazy passionate about kids; their well-being, their thoughts and ideas, their struggles and helping them to become lifelong learners with an insatiable desire to discern between fact and fiction in order to make a clear and bright path for their future. Being nutty has also helped me to think creatively and out-of-the-box when problem solving; because being told something can’t be done drives me nuts!

A – Actively seeking interested adults to be a safe place for our youth to turn for factual information regarding sex, relationships and prevention. The after school program I helped to create was called Adults Connecting with Children and Teens or ACCT. While the outward goal was to provide opportunities that were otherwise unobtainable in a small, rural community, the underlying goal was to provide a safe, supervised place for the area’s youth to connect with a meaningful and trusted adult in the hopes of reducing the chance they would succumb to at-risk behaviors no matter what life threw their way.

What the sex ed teacher learns

1.  We ALL have strong feelings, beliefs and values that need to be validated!
2.  Middle school students are VERY different from high school students.
3.  No matter how the curriculum is written sex and relationships are emotional, spiritual, physical and social topics.
4.  There is an enourmous amount of responsibility when you have critical information for someone's health and wellness.
5.  The ability to say the words penis and vagina in a classroom of youth OR adults without sweat and hives makes you feel like a superhero!
6.  Everyone needs someone for those embarrassing questions.
7.  Teens respond honestly if you know how to judge them.  They stand taller and more confident with accurate information and actually think through consequences when given the chance.
8.  Adults CAN teach youth how to be comfortable with discussing their bodies, relationships and sexual activity.
9.  Being comfortable with the topic of sex and sexuality makes us all stronger advocates for ourselves and we are more likely to set our own limits.
10.  Adults need sex ed as much as teens.
11.  Creating a safe space to talk about sex, abuse, coercion, consent and empowerment can lead to youth and adults revealing abuse or violence in their lives.
12.  Trauma informed practices are EXTREMELY important.
13.  There is a magical balance between answering someone's question and giving too much information.  It takes practice.
14.  We all want healthy relationships for ourselves and our youth.  We all want people to have babies and start families when they have a united family unit with economic and educaitonal resources for the best possible experience in the world.  And we all want youth who are free from abuse, violence, disease and unintended pregnancies.  And, we can all find a way to be an askable adult, step into the discomfort of the topic, educate ourselves, desensitize ourselves and show we are emotionally capable of handling whatever issue our youth are trying to manage.

I have learned all this and SO much more in these past few years.  I am so very grateful for the opportunity to build the Garfield County PREP program and work along side so many passionate partners committed to the wellbeing of our communities.  I am excited to pass the torch to the next person who can help build a sustainable plan for the PREP program and continue the success.

"What did you just say?"

Answering students' anonymous questions in a sexual health class can be nerve-wracking.  I am thinking about how a parent might react, what the school staff is thinking and if I have the medically accurate information.

But mostly I am thinking about the student who asked the question.
What question is hiding in this question?  What do they REALLY want to know?  What is this student's comfort level with their own sexual health?  Where did they hear these words?  How did they get to age 15 without knowing this information about their bodies?  How did a 12 year old find out about this?  How can I make it clear that the person with the question needs to get some help?  How do I answer this without giving a lecture?  How do I make sure my personal values are not exposed but that I also share the common values of families and communities?

What I have become certain of is this.  

When I read and answer EVERY question with respect and without judgment or fear, the students learn that I can handle whatever is thrown at me.  That is trust.  And when they trust me, they share what they are REALLY DEALING WITH. Because they have A LOT that is thrown at them and they need adults who can help them sort through it.

It has become very clear from our classes and especially from the anonymous questions, that our teens are exposed to a lot of dangerous and irresponsible messages about sex, sexuality and relationships.  And the age at which they are exposed is very young.  

Many students come into our classes with information based on MYTHS and FOLKLORE.  They have been listening to their peers, the media, innuendos in tv shows or even some misinformed family members.  

So as we teach medically accurate and age appropriate information to the teens in our comprehensive sexual health classes, we are opening the door and showing them how they can talk openly, honestly and maturely about sex and relationships.  And when they do, the whole class grows with their new knowledge.  Many will start a conversation with their parents which is an important goal of the PREP program. 

They leave our classes with the TRUST that they have accurate information and the POWER to make healthy decisions for themselves and the CONFIDENCE to start conversations with their parents and partners.
And that's what we really want, right?

--submitted by Gretchen O'Byrne